The dark side of bridesmaids

Feeling nervous about selecting your bridesmaids?

You should be.

Back in the day of Roman Law, we believed that ten witnesses were an absolute wedding necessity in order to outsmart the evil spirits lurking in the back by the cash bar.

Because clearly evil spirits wanted to ruin the lives of brides and grooms everywhere and haunt them forever. It was their j-o-b.

Silly evil spirits – we fooled you. By dressing identical to the bride and groom, you were left dumbfounded … and drunk off of cheap daiquiris.

Well, we’ve come a long way since then. We now have bridesmaids for support and friendship rather than protection and trickery. And evil spirits no longer lurk at weddings; they’ve moved on to greener pastures – aka The Tea Party.


Photo courtesy of My Eclectic Life

Photo courtesy of My Eclectic Life


And while I understand the value a posse of bridesmaids bring to the linen-cloaked table, I think it’s time to be real and actually talk about the dark side of bridesmaids.

When you select bridesmaids, you will hurt feelings. I know, I’ve done it. You will cause a few of your “unselected” friends to inhale goblets of wine and curse your name under the stars. They will park themselves next to a stranger at the pub and laugh wickedly while they make fun of your biggest insecurities. Like your fear of one-legged dogs.

They may cry. Or scream. They may not talk to you for months. Maybe even a few years. They may question their friendship with you and wonder what they did to deserve the leper label. Oh, and they definitely won’t invite you to be one of their bridesmaids once they meet their mate. Not happening.

No one wants to feel like a fool. If you value a friendship, honor that friend and give her a heads up. Give her a call or meet up in person and be real. I should have done more of that with my own wedding. Be honest and speak up, “Girl, you know I love you and my big day wouldn’t be the same without you there. I need to invite my cousins X and Z to the bridesmaid bash and you know cousin Z drives me insane (insulting one of your bridesmaids is a must!) but I gotta be loyal to the fam…” And then start crying and oozing snot. Lots of snot.

Your friend will not only forgive you for not inviting her as a bridesmaid, she’ll actually feel sorry for you and walk away relieved that she doesn’t have to stand at the alter with a hot mess like you. Problem solved!

Avoiding hurt feelings is critical. The truth is if your friendship is sustainable and built on lots o’ love it won’t fall apart based on something as silly as fighting evil spirits in taffeta and pumps.


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